What might cause a newly wed wife to distrust her husband?

 

    I do not doubt that having a childhood history tainted with the experience of an adulterous father could account for your distrust of your mate after marriage.  It certainly would be effective teaching that such things can an do happen -- teaching which might override any overly optimistic expectations you might otherwise have had that your family, and especially you personally, would be exempt from such experiences.  Such a history might even be sufficient cause by itself, however my experience leads me to suspect that far more likely candidates might be in your recent history.

    If you and your husband had sexual relations before marrying, you are at enormous risk of having trust issues emerge after marriage.  These trust issues tend to peak after several years, sometimes after a child is born to the couple, especially a second child.  Of  the couples with distrust issues whom I have counseled, premarital sex was in all histories but one.  The old adage, "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you," seems to apply in these cases.  If premarital sex is in your history, then having a father who committed adultery while you were a child might expedite this tendency to distrust.

    There is another frequent condition that often times co-exists with premarital sex, and that is the issue of abandonment training.  While growing up, many children are exposed to an environment in which abandonment, by one or more care takers, either takes place or is frequently threatened.  This separation can take many forms, the most obvious being the physical departure of a care taker/parent, and infidelity another.  The most severe case I have worked with was a client whose single mom, while trying to snag a man, would often go out for days at a time leaving my client tied to the bed.

    Children growing up in such homes come to believe that those closest to them are very likely, if not certain, to leave them at some future time.  When they take this belief into adulthood, the fear of abandonment can be re-triggered by many stimuli mimicking those from childhood.  An argument or a stare at someone of the opposite sex by one mate, for example, can trigger abandonment fears in the fearful mate.  That mate is hyper sensitive to triggers, even when abandonment is totally out of the question.  If you grew up with substantial experiences in this area, you might find that your newly wed husband is, unintentionally, triggering your life long fear, and adultery is the method by which you suspect it will come to pass.