Which pre-marital program do you use?

    Over the years, I have looked at a few nationally distributed and popular programs but I have yet to find one that I like.  However I do offer one, it is called "Prepare/Enrich."  It is a survey which both partners answer and then a report is generated by the publisher who computer scores the results.  I use it primarily with couples who want to take a peek into the future to see what kind of relationship they might have a few year from now.  It identifies several types of relationship which the publisher has researched over thousands of couples and through years of follow up studies.  I find it to be quite enlightening and often times sobering.  Based on the results, couples are invited to choose which issue(s) they might like to work on now.

    My complaint about the programs I have reviewed is that from my standpoint they focus too much on the individual and not enough on the purpose of marriage and God's high calling to each partner.  In some of the programs, the focus leaves the client with the impression/belief that they have "needs" which their spouse can and should meet.  In my opinion, this sets the couple up to expect things from their spouse which no spouse can fulfill, and fosters entitlement thinking -- a recipe for disaster.

    As an alternative to the popular programs, I offer a proprietary three-step program which focuses on the issues specified in the New Testament: (1) what form of government will the couple employ, (2) how will the man love and cherish his wife, and (3) how the wife will submit and respect her husband.  One session is used for each step, as there are numerous questions and examples to be discussed.  In addition to the steps, the couple is provided with two surveys, one which they fill out during the first session, and one that they complete and discuss on their own.  The results of the one done the first session are revealed in session number two, and it often stimulates some surprising conversation between the two clients.  The goal of this program is to set the couple on the right track, rather than overwhelm them with a myriad of potential problem areas.  I believe that if they get these three steps right, they can handle anything that comes their way because every marriage problem I have treated has its roots in the issues discussed in these three steps.