What is a "marriage counselor?"

    This is a descriptive term used for counselors who work with married couples, or couples about to be married, regarding the pitfalls of the marriage relationship and the enrichment of an existing marriage.  They might cover a wide range of topics including leadership, submission, finances, forgiveness, love, family planning, communication, gender differences, anger, personality compatibility, in-laws, romance, and some sexual and abuse issues.  They might also address infidelity, menopause, sex addiction, retirement, separation, and divorce issues.  They are a bit different than "Family Counselors" in that they might not work with children and/or whole families, child rearing, or home schooling issues, etc.

    Although a large percentage of my clients are married, or soon to be married, I do not like to be referred to as a marriage counselor, and will make the reason for that clear early in therapy when the clients expresses a desire to "work on their marriage."  Couples who focus on "their marriage" tend to treat the problem as outside of, or separate from, themselves -- like a corporation or job -- and thus minimize how crucial their separate personal issues are.  They are mostly looking for external techniques -- a magic bullet -- such as communication skills, to solve their hurts.  They are ignorant of the biblical purpose of marriage and how the marriage relationship acts like a mirror to reveal their individual dark sides, so that they can take action to promote their healing in all the right places.