Far and away, couples’ therapy constitutes Foresight’s major case load. Relationships such as marriage not only reveal our virtuous traits, but also our darker side, the part of us we work to
hide from others, even hide from ourselves, the part we might not even know we have. When our dark side is exposed, or we fear it will be exposed, we either hide or fight. We can hide by becoming cold, distant, or emotionally disengaged. We can fight by attacking our mate who seems intent on exposing our dark side, challenging the impression of us that we want him/her to believe.
Couples report that they have many fights but cannot remember over what it was that they were fighting, so they agree it must have been trivial. The truth is that what they were fighting about is not what they were fighting about. It was not about leaving dirty laundry on the floor, but rather an attempt to see if one mate would validate and value the other - at the root it was a fight for significance.
One outcome occurring more frequently is that one of them will go shopping for that “ideal mate” – a mate who is non-threatening, who just naturally thinks and behaves the way I want them to with little or no effort on my part. A relationship that “just works.” That perfect mate who makes me feel good about myself. The one I should have married instead of “the wrong one.”
In the matter of adultery, men react differently than women to being “cheated on.” When an unfaithful spouse seeks reconciliation, he or she is in for an uphill trek that will be a huge challenge. The unfaithful act itself will cause each mate to deeply doubt him- /herself, further complicating healing. The treatment of choice for couples, whether or not infidelity is an issue, is the time tested “blueprint” for marriage. This plan has proven itself through many centuries around the world, thereby eliminating the risks of using trial and error, the method used by most of today’s couples.
The core element of the “blueprint” is how to love. Our concept of love today is so shallow and fallacious that it has nothing of value to offer. Counterfeits of love lets us down and, because we do
not even suspect we are deceived, we go on trusting them, being hurt, and blaming others for our misery. The “blueprint” also focuses on how men and women are designed differently physically, mentally, and emotionally, and the purpose behind the designs. It lays out the practical role of the husband in leading and loving his wife and family, and the administrative role of the wife. It promotes mutual respect and admiration thus removing the core cause of fighting.
Foresight’s treatment plan appeals to those couples who will not settle for just an average okay marriage.